I’ve always been a bit perplexed and bewildered at those few, rare guys who somehow in some small way find me somewhat attractive.
I’m neither blonde nor a bombshell. I’m in my 50s now and still on the chunky side. All that said, I’m starting to get noticed more, and that’s beginning to freak me out.
The reason for this, I think, is simple.
See, I have always been “one of the guys.”
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve gotten along better with guys more than with gals. A boy was my first ever best friend and throughout the years I have had more guy friends than gal friends.
As a child I loved playing with Matchbox cars, collecting baseball cards, riding my Big Wheel, listening to hard rock music, and doing things that boys were traditionally expected to do.
I had my share of Barbie dolls and girly toys, mind you, but certainly I wasn’t what you could call a girly-girl.
As I grew older, I continued being one of the guys.
My first two jobs were in retail, and even though I was quite shy back then, I had a lot of guy friend coworkers. They liked me because I could work on my car (thanks, Dad!) and because I had a strong interest in astronomy, among other things…
Oh yes, I had their attention, but not the kind of attention I wanted.
I was one of the guys, which meant I was surrounded by guys. But there seemed to be a line none of them wanted to cross with me, and the reasoning, I think, was this.
Nobody in their right mind ever dated one of the guys.
So strange and painful for me to accept. I mean, what was wrong with me? Could I have been THAT ugly?
(Me, mid-1980s at home in Atlanta)
In the past year or so, it seems that I’ve been getting a lot of attention.
I don’t know what has happened, but it seems like guys “see” me now. Like, really see me. I’m no longer a guy in girl’s clothing. The attention I’ve been getting lately is a bit jarring.
I’m not complaining, mind you. I’m just unsure how to understand and accept it after a lifetime of being one of the guys.
Who knows? All I do know is I feel good about myself for the first time ever. Maybe that’s something to do with it? I dunno. Just living my life and learning to roll with the changes.